You know what grinds my gears? I woke up the other day and had a case of the runs. Right off the bat. Even before I could wipe the coals out of eyes and make out where I was. So I feel my way to my fortress of solitude. I plop down with my eyes half open and just let it loose. It was early, the sun was barely peaking through and a little cold; while turd bird was playing on the loud speaker. I must have pushed out too fast and hard because now the balloon knot was burning! No worries. I've shit in my pants before and sat in a steaming hot humvee for hours. Well just as I was about to wipe my ass...I realized that ther was no more TP! I looked up, down, left and right AND NO MORE FREAKEN TP! There was a roll of paper towels though. I thought about it and gave myself 3 options. 1) Give it the Persian hand and wash my hands after wiping, 2) Ass in sink like dumb and dumber or 3) feel the pain of the rough paper towels. I went with 3. Number 3 really grinds my gears.