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post #81 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 07:31 AM
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Maybe she was just in a car accident :/

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post #82 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 08:07 AM
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Best divorce letter:

Dear Bisnotch,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial.

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'm never really thought of that before.

I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'm tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you. It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

Otherwise, can you let me know where the ****ing remote is.

Love, Dan
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post #83 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 08:20 AM
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Maybe she was just in a car accident :/
The kind Kristen Stewart was in, where her car mysteriously stopped and she ended up sideways in the front seat with her panties missing, legs spread, and some dude's head impaled into her mid-section?



Last edited by KMac; 12-11-2012 at 08:24 AM.
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post #84 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 08:27 AM
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The kind Kristen Stewart was in, where her car mysteriously stopped and she ended up sideways in the front seat with her panties missing, legs spread, and some dude's head impaled into her mid-section?

That's extremely unfortunate.... For him.

She shows about as much emotion as a wall



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You pecker head....
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post #85 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 08:31 AM
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That's extremely unfortunate.... For him.

She shows about as much emotion as a wall
who give's a sheot what her emotions are, hammer away....

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post #86 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 08:34 AM
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who give's a sheot what her emotions are, hammer away....


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post #87 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 10:52 AM
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So is the woman bobbin other knobs or what?


SIG courtesy of the awesome petrol spice
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post #88 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 10:57 AM
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I think the OP is busy dismembering the body
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post #89 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 11:09 AM
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I think the OP is busy dismembering the body

not that I condone that kind of thing, but I do UNDERSTAND it.

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post #90 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 11:11 AM
Take the red pill
 
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not that I condone that kind of thing, but I do UNDERSTAND it.


Prenup or bust
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post #91 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 11:33 AM
over da hump.....
 
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if i didnt know any better the guy is a troll...

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post #92 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 01:27 PM
it was a JOKE!...
 
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Hmmm any updates....

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post #93 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 02:58 PM
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Anybody into necrophelia?




Anybody?


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John 14:6, Jesus Christ himself said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me."

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..sometimes you just gotta shake your life up and smash it against the wall to make yourself feel alive again.
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Your Jew thread got yanked quicker than a dude at J's mom's house.
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post #94 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 03:04 PM
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My sister is...............God rest her soul.

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post #95 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 03:53 PM
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My sister is...............God rest her soul.
You have PM


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Criminals love gun control, it makes their jobs safer.

John 14:6, Jesus Christ himself said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me."

Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovechaos View Post
..sometimes you just gotta shake your life up and smash it against the wall to make yourself feel alive again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by racindego
Your Jew thread got yanked quicker than a dude at J's mom's house.
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post #96 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 03:54 PM
fast toys arent just 4 boys
 
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So is the woman bobbin other knobs or what?
I know! Wth? We need an update!

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It's my fault.

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Much love Andre
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post #97 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 04:05 PM
Herro!
 
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post #98 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 04:39 PM
Life: Comedy or Tragedy?
 
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I know! Wth? We need an update!
We need a bigger picture of an avatar.

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  • RIP to our fallen brothers. You will all be missed and remembered:
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    • Gawarrior - June 25, 2008
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post #99 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 04:42 PM
arrivederci
 
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Quote:
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if i didnt know any better the guy is a troll...
i'm assuming it hit the fan.

Question for home owners

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I would prefer face-to-face discussions with a surplus of Belgian beer, and have chosen self-restraint over posting "I AGREE WITH ME" again and again.
you only funky as your last cut.

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post #100 of 113 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 04:50 PM
Life: Comedy or Tragedy?
 
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i'm assuming it hit the fan.

Question for home owners
I remember that thread and initially thought of it on his post here. Though, given how he was talking, it's no surprise.

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  • RIP to our fallen brothers. You will all be missed and remembered:
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    • Gawarrior - June 25, 2008
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