Some dumb lawyers and some stupid witnesses : Yamaha R1 Forum
» Insurance
» Yamaha R1 Prices
» Sponsors

Off Topic Talk All off-topic posts. Music, Sports, Movies, Humor, etc... (No NWS)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-08-2012, 12:32 PM   #1
Blue Streak
I've fallen and I can't get up
 
Blue Streak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Bikes: 2000 Yamaha R1
Location: Canada
Posts: 732
Some dumb lawyers and some stupid witnesses

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


1. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

2. ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

3. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
____________________________________________

4. ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

5. ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________

6. ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

7. ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

8. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

9. ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
____________________________________________

10. ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

11. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

12. ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

13. ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

14. ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

15. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

16. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

17. ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

18. ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Blue Streak is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 11-08-2012, 02:34 PM   #2
rorytsm
damn turkeys
 
rorytsm's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Bikes: 04 R1
Location: indiana
Posts: 29,375
http://www.r1-forum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=328098
http://www.r1-forum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=218214
http://www.r1-forum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=206546
__________________
Join Phantom Squadron
PDB and loving it! whoo hoo!
04 R1 - sunbeam yellow w/custom decals
rorytsm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2012, 03:19 PM   #3
Gearheaded
Venom X/O
 
Gearheaded's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Bikes: 2009 Raven R1(gone) 2008 Spicy Mustard r6
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 19,618
BlueYZ and frank :rory 'd too

__________________



Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeeter View Post
You pecker head....
R1-016 Venom Squad
Gearheaded is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2012, 04:57 PM   #4
Blue Streak
I've fallen and I can't get up
 
Blue Streak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Bikes: 2000 Yamaha R1
Location: Canada
Posts: 732
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gearheaded View Post
BlueYZ and frank :rory 'd too

my bad....

guess I should search all posts before submitting something like this ......

Nah - I just wont bother posting stuff like it. If it came in my eamil chances are it was in a million other peoples as well.

It's like 1/2 the youtube videos I open that I already have seen....
Blue Streak is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.2

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:33 PM.



Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Motorcycle News, Videos and Reviews
Honda Grom Forum Harley Davidson Forum Honda 600RR Kawasaki Forum Yamaha R6 Forum Yamaha FZ-09 Forum
1199 Panigale Forum Roadglide Forum Honda CBR1000 Forum Vulcan Forum Yamaha R1 Forum Yamaha R3 Forum
Ducati Monster Forum Harley Forums Honda CBR250R Forum ZX10R Forum Star Raider Forum Yamaha Viking Forum
Suzuki GSXR Forum V-Rod Forums Honda Shadow Forum Kawasaki Motorcycle Forum Star Warrior Forum KTM Duke 390 Forum
SV650 Forum BMW S1000RR Forum Honda Fury Forum Kawasaki Versys Forum Drag Racing Forum Ducati 899 Panigale Forum
Suzuki V-Strom BMW K1600 Triumph Forum Victory Forums Sportbikes BMW NineT Forum
Volusia Forum BMW F800 Forum Triumph 675 Forum MV Agusta Forum HD Street Forum Suzuki GW250 Forum
Yamaha Motorcycles Victory Gunner Forum Honda Vultus Forum HD LiveWire Forum Ninja H2 Forum
R1-Forum.com is an independent Yamaha enthusiast website. Content on R1-Forum.com is generated by its users and R1-Forum.com is not in any way affiliated with Yamaha Motor Corporation, U.S.A.