Yamaha R1 Forum: YZF-R1 Forums banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
THEY CALLED ME SWEETNESS!!!!!!
Joined
·
6,538 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hey fellas, this may be a retarded post to many of you, but I'm curious to know if we have any overprotective parents on the forum? I know everyone is protective of their kids to a certain degree, but I think I tend to go overboard at times.
Here's the dilema. I have a son who will be 3 next month. Since the first day he was born, he has NEVER been out of the site of his mother and/or I for more than 3 hours at one time. That's right, no babysitters, no child care (we teach him from home), no spending the night with relatives, no playing with neighbors kids.....NOTHING!
Well, I am in need of a well deserved day to myself (starting a weight lifting cycle, putting some miles on the R1, and just relaxing), and my son is scheduled to spend the day at his grandmothers house from 8am-5pm. For some odd reason, I'm kinda nervous about it.
I know this may sound kinda stupid to some of you, but I have this belief that I have to know EXACTLY what my son is doing, where he is, who he's with, AT ALL TIMES! True, he will be with his grandmother (who seems to care a great deal for him)......but still. She'll call my house every weekend asking if she can babysit, and my reply is always, "NO!" Selfish? Maybe..:dunno However, my main concern is that something *may* happen to him, and I wouldn't be around to prevent it and/or get him out of a bad situation. That's where my overprotectiveness comes into play.
My son is growing up FAST (seems like it was just yesterday that he was born), and I know there are going to be times in the near future that I'm going to have to "loosen my grip" a bit.

I'm curious to know if any of you R1-riding parents experience the same things as I've described. If so, how did you overcome being so paranoid.......or have you? If it were soley up to me, I honestly would attach my son to my hip until he turned 18..but that's just me. Or is it?

No flames please, just honest opinions :)

P.S. If I don't get some sleep soon, I'm going to end up sleeping during my day alone :lol
 

·
New and Improved Forum Bitch
Joined
·
4,534 Posts
gotta let get used to other people- dont want a shy one on your hands
plus he can learn other things from being around different people
and he needs to be other kids too
trust me, i work nights and i don't see as much of my 22 mo. daughter as i would like, but i do like the fact that she has a blast with both set of grandparents
at my parents house she gets to swim, takes naps on their chocolate lab, learns songs, my mom works with her numbers and letters, etc.... she has a good time, so i take it as a good experience for her
 

·
Dont mind if I do...
Joined
·
1,504 Posts
Dude you are so not alone on this,I have a 5 yr old girl.I am a very security minded paranoid person,when I go somewhere with her she does not leave my sight.I am very protective of her.I know what you mean! As far as the grandmother goes,dude if she wants to babysit,man that is awsome,who elese would you trust more than the granny.I have never let my daughter stay with ANYONE other than my mom.My wifes parents always ask if she could stay with them for a couple of days and they live Bakersfield,I always say nah,maybe next time,but theres no way in hell because they are wacked :p .Dude this is what I do and it helps me alot. Since she was able to understad things I have drilled her about things and people,how sometimes people can look nice but they are not,how some people would like to hurt you and what to look for,what to do if she is faced with something like that.I didnt do it in a way to make her scared or paranoid,just aware.I sometimes just out of the blue give her a quick test to see if she remembers and to keep her sharp..She is a well adjusted happy child..I think if you educate them and keep it up,they will be aware of things around them..I cant imagine a more protective parent than me,but you gotta loosin up a bit,and let them go ,just a little tho..He is gonna be starting school soon,and that was real hard for me.All you can do is teach them.And a big thing that a friend of mine taught me was teach the child to trust his or her feelings.To know when something is not right..Kids are pretty smart they do pickup on what they are taught.. Sorry for the length but this is a big subject with me.You will be fine...


Sola7
 

·
Mister
Joined
·
234 Posts
Hey R1fanatic,

Here's my perspective of the issue: a perspective of an 18 year old who's father is the strongest influence on his life. My father has raised in an atypical manner to most other father-son relationships that I have seen. I'll give a description of my situation and hope that its useful.

The relationship between my father and I has always been more of a friendship as opposed to a person who always held the reigns on my life. Through being my best friend he could give the strongest examples and be a solid role model as opposed to being a person who kept telling me "what to do." This way there weren't any "orders" that I would rebel against, but advice offered that I would understand and then assimilate. Being really close didn't mean that he was lax at all times, he is extremely strict and firm whenever I put him in a position in which he needs to be that way.

The values that I carry are a mix between Islam, Syrian and Tunisian cultures, (parents are from different countries) and growing up in an international environment (I grew up in a school w/ppl from 60 plus countries.) My father instilled values through discussion as opposed to dictating what is correct/incorrect; he would explain his reasoning behind the traits that make a person a good character. That way my values became something that I arrived at after thorough evaluation and not something that I held just because "thats the way it is." I understood why I should act the way I do and (no pun intended) understood the value of my values. Many friends of mine refrain from doing the "wrong" things because "dad/mom said it was wrong" and no other good reason. Often enough w/peer pressure and reality the previous phrase doesn't hold up. I don't do the "wrong" things not because my father told me not to do them, but because 1) I know the harm it can bring, 2) it conflicts with values that I have personally achieved, and 3) it would jeapordize the friendship and trust of my father.

Now about the protection issue..Throughout my life I've probably had more freedom then any other person I've met. Dad has the philosophy that without strong protection I would experience more and therefore learn more - he was right. I've heard the saying that a person learns how hot fire is if he touches it. Once I reached a level in which my father saw that I had a strong foundation of beliefs and values he let me go totally free. I was the only kid I knew who could come home at 3 am during a weekday at the age of 13, or the 14 year old who could drink as much as he wants, or the 15 year old w/experience w/the wrong crowd of ppl and whatever they were smoking. W/this freedom i've also made more mistakes then anyone else my age. But we all learn from our mistakes, especially if we have total freedom to commit a lot of them at a young age. Because I was responsible for myself and my destiny (as opposed to someone telling me what to do) I learnt those lessons the hard way. I'm probably the only 18 year old in my group of friends who avoids smoking/drinking/drugs because I've had the "fire burn me".. i've tasted the "wrong" and the "right" and I prefer the taste of the "right." I've had the freedom to experience more and learn more, and w/the "indirect" parenting my values keep pushing me to straighten up my life. More freedom meant more responsibility.

What else.. my father has never said "No" to me. If he disagrees he says no and always gives his reasoning behind the "no." Although at times I didn't understand what or why it was that way, I understood the reason behind it and was always free to challenge it. Although a simple "no" took longer than two seconds, I never felt deprived or held back from anything in life. And my father only hit me three times.. the first time was when I lied, the second time was when I lied, and the third time was when.. you guessed it.. I lied. I probably wouldn't have learnt anything if he hit me on a constant basis - pain only lasts a few minutes, an explanation lasts a lifetime.

Anyways I hope this helps to anyone out there w/children.. lol, i'll be there someday..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
514 Posts
I don't know man. I am a soon to be father. Took my wife to the OBGYN last Monday and he said she was 2cm dialated. So anyways, after my son does come out, I plan on letting all my relatives baby sit for a period of time. You need time off!! Your wife needs time off!!! So let him go to Grandma's house and relax for a while. Sounds like you might need a break after 3 years.!
 

·
`Mr. Ted` also works...
Joined
·
51 Posts
R1Fanatic,

I have boys, 15, nearly 7, and 5-1/2.

My wife (2nd) and I took a trip together (alone) when in '99 when the youngest boys were 1-1/2 and 3. We're forutnate to have good grandparents on both sides, and our little ones stayed with them. Our first child together (the 3 yr old) had been born 9 months to the day after our wedding (go figure), and so this was an very welcome time to get away and love on each other.

We love our children very much, and realize there are a huge number of unthinkable risks to them each day - but that many of those are really out of our control. We also firmly believe that as husband and wife we need to actively nurture our marriage, and that includes time where we can focus on each other. Marriage usually takes lots of love and some work, and this is just one way that we can assure that our kids have a mother and father.

Also, FWIW - I'm a believer, and pray for my kids.

TheTedmeister
 

·
w00t
Joined
·
2,524 Posts
I raised myself. all your kids are lucky to have parents (you)looking over them ever second of their life. when i was 12 my older sis (a year older) were taking care of my baby sister. my older sister and i had a paper rought together, my parents would take all our money and, spend it on usless stuff. we would get a few bucks, to get video game:D
in a way, im glad i grew up the way i did. I dont know what its like to have a good parent, the way i grew up was fast, but i think it payed off.
one of the few reasons i liked the way i grew up (it was hell) but i had freedom. i dont think you can grow up without that. but with a 3-5 year old... i dont know how much freedom you can give them.
when they're older, dont baby em.. some day youll have to let them grow up...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,123 Posts
me and my wife miss out on a lot of dates, yes we still go out on dates, because we won't let anyone keep our 3 children. we had one good sitter but she moved out of state so now we hardly ever get to go out together. either she can go or i can go but rarely the both of us. you just can't leave your kids with most nowadays. how many shaken, beaten, scalded, slammed against the wall reports do you hear on the news each day?? way too many for my tastes. all of our family is out of state as well so thats not an option. better to be overprotective than a slacker who will dump his kids off at any willing eggheads house for a few hours. of course, while your kids are there the get to watch porn, or b.e.t videos, or inhale second hand smoke or worse, blunts. then they get to listen to all the people in the house curse and say all manner of crap in front of them. well, i guess until we can find ourselves an "alice" like the bradys, we'
ll have to date at home. one thing though bro, your child needs to be around and interact with other children. this is paramount. if none of your friends have kids that you can share time with, at least take them to the park or somewhere where kids play and you can still watch him.
 

·
INVICTUS
Joined
·
14,902 Posts
Let him go Rene.........You need a break and so does the wife. Hell next thing you know you'll be signing checks in crayon. Seriously I'd say that grandma is an ok bet, but not too many others. I'd trust my brothers or my sister with mine but not too many else for a 3yr old or any child of mine who can't articulate what's going on. Did you guys know that it's more likely for a child to be abused by a known person or relative than by a stranger? Man this brings back bad memories, my ex wife !!!!! When my son was born my ex's mother came down from Louisianna talking about when she was coming back to get him. (ME: Yeah right!!!) Well when he was about 4mos old her mom came back . I leave for work at about 2pm and when I got home at 11pm her mom and her boyfriend had left and went back to Louisianna (DRIVING!!!) . I wanted to check on my son before going to bed and he was'nt there, so I'm kinda frantic and woke up the ex. Her: Oh , he's just gonna visit with my mom for a few months. I hate to say it but I let it go. He stayed there for 2 months. I knew then that this was'nt working out. When she did it again I was about to go to jail for domestic violence. This time he stayed gone for 3 months. Hell, I did'nt even get to see him start to walk it was all grandma time. After we divorced I made it a point to make them pay. I have a secret plan to get my son to stay with me in the next couple years and I'm pretty sure it's gonna work . It's already playing into my dirty little trap. They can barely control him and are jealous of the fact that all it takes is a phonecall from me . Agh enough ranting, let it go rene he's ok. Just go get him before two months is up.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top