So, you've decided to become a motorcyclist, that's great. A common problem to the new players in the world of motorcycling is where to start. In this thread you'll find out everything you're ever going to need to know for a successful introduction to biking.
There is no need for experience: It's highly over rated. My lord, you don't see anyone training to sky dive, no sir, they don't train for that they make you watch Wesley Snipes movie "Drop Zone" the action Martial Arts Parachuting movie. If you can sit through that movie, you instantly qualify as a "Gun" jumper. So what has that got to do with being a filth riding "god"? Well don't waste you money on a MSF course, no, there's no need, don't waste time riding around a car park for an afternoon, no. Go to the local MegaPlex and watch BikerBoys, better watch it twice just incase you missed something. Now you'll have to watch 14K and Fled as well, the Ducati racing scenes in that movie will qualify you as a racing hero.
Now that you've watch all the top biker movies your ready for your first bike. There's a million to choose from so you're going to have to make the right decision. What's that I hear you ask?
"But, Uncle Petrol, I've never even riden a bicycle!"
That doesn't matter!
What are you sayin'? You can't even make a lap around the track playing MotoGP2 on your Xbox, without fallin' off! That's no drama, go buy a playstation 2 they way easier to control.
Once you've mastered the computer games and you've had a couple of dreams where women with tits bigger then your head chase you down the street because they hear you ride, and you've started masterbating lookin' through parts catalogues, what's next.
Login to as many sportbike web forums as you can! Let Uncle Petrol help you out.
www.r1-forum.com
www.labusas.org
www.gixxer.com
www.stuntlife.com
www.r6messagenet.com
www.nrlturbo350+HPhayabusaforlearners.com
Once you're there ask some questions, like:
I've never riden before and I saw JoJo from lasvegas extremes doing standup 12 o'clocks and if a chick can do it I want to turbo charge nitros injected a hayabusa engine in my Gixxer 600 how long do you think I could wheelie it?
That question and questions like that will gain you the respect of not only the guys on the forums but millions of women, yup even the ones that look like Porn Stars.
Now that you've seen the movies
Masterbated to the parts catalogue
Login to every sportbike web page there is
Ask 1 questiton on each page
You my friend are READY, try to control the emotions, don't worry if you dick is dribbling, no-one will notice.
Go into you nearest shop, now it's of the most importance that you don't buy any safety gear. No Helmets No Leathers No gloves. After all those blokes on the race tracks are just poofters, that's why they wear it. Chickens, that's all, afraid of falling down they are.
"But which bike Uncle Petrol? Which one?"
The anwer to this question is simple, The biggest meanest looking bike in the shop. I suggest that you go for something with Nitros and a turbo, shit that's where everyone else started so why don't you. Don't buy an R1 or a Gixxer 1000 for a first bike, there is a little known factory secret about that bike and I'm about to tell you what it is: They're to slow for a beginner. It's true, it's true. It's the secret the shops don't want you to know, so I suggest that you get a Turbo Charged Nitros injected Hayabusa.
"Uncle Petrol I heard that the 'busa wont turn!" that's ok, niether can you, so don't worry.
Now what's left. Hire an Ambulance. It wont cost to much, they wont be following you for long.
Remember kiddies, 120 mile an hour peak hour lane splitting is what makes you a better rider, not training and experience, not gear 100 Mph wheelies in peak hour traffic will win you the acclaim of your friends and the adoration of women the world over
If you follow these simple rules you to will be a biker god.
Thanks for reading
Your Angry Uncle Petrol.
There is no need for experience: It's highly over rated. My lord, you don't see anyone training to sky dive, no sir, they don't train for that they make you watch Wesley Snipes movie "Drop Zone" the action Martial Arts Parachuting movie. If you can sit through that movie, you instantly qualify as a "Gun" jumper. So what has that got to do with being a filth riding "god"? Well don't waste you money on a MSF course, no, there's no need, don't waste time riding around a car park for an afternoon, no. Go to the local MegaPlex and watch BikerBoys, better watch it twice just incase you missed something. Now you'll have to watch 14K and Fled as well, the Ducati racing scenes in that movie will qualify you as a racing hero.
Now that you've watch all the top biker movies your ready for your first bike. There's a million to choose from so you're going to have to make the right decision. What's that I hear you ask?
"But, Uncle Petrol, I've never even riden a bicycle!"
That doesn't matter!
What are you sayin'? You can't even make a lap around the track playing MotoGP2 on your Xbox, without fallin' off! That's no drama, go buy a playstation 2 they way easier to control.
Once you've mastered the computer games and you've had a couple of dreams where women with tits bigger then your head chase you down the street because they hear you ride, and you've started masterbating lookin' through parts catalogues, what's next.
Login to as many sportbike web forums as you can! Let Uncle Petrol help you out.
www.r1-forum.com
www.labusas.org
www.gixxer.com
www.stuntlife.com
www.r6messagenet.com
www.nrlturbo350+HPhayabusaforlearners.com
Once you're there ask some questions, like:
I've never riden before and I saw JoJo from lasvegas extremes doing standup 12 o'clocks and if a chick can do it I want to turbo charge nitros injected a hayabusa engine in my Gixxer 600 how long do you think I could wheelie it?
That question and questions like that will gain you the respect of not only the guys on the forums but millions of women, yup even the ones that look like Porn Stars.
Now that you've seen the movies
Masterbated to the parts catalogue
Login to every sportbike web page there is
Ask 1 questiton on each page
You my friend are READY, try to control the emotions, don't worry if you dick is dribbling, no-one will notice.
Go into you nearest shop, now it's of the most importance that you don't buy any safety gear. No Helmets No Leathers No gloves. After all those blokes on the race tracks are just poofters, that's why they wear it. Chickens, that's all, afraid of falling down they are.
"But which bike Uncle Petrol? Which one?"
The anwer to this question is simple, The biggest meanest looking bike in the shop. I suggest that you go for something with Nitros and a turbo, shit that's where everyone else started so why don't you. Don't buy an R1 or a Gixxer 1000 for a first bike, there is a little known factory secret about that bike and I'm about to tell you what it is: They're to slow for a beginner. It's true, it's true. It's the secret the shops don't want you to know, so I suggest that you get a Turbo Charged Nitros injected Hayabusa.
"Uncle Petrol I heard that the 'busa wont turn!" that's ok, niether can you, so don't worry.
Now what's left. Hire an Ambulance. It wont cost to much, they wont be following you for long.
Remember kiddies, 120 mile an hour peak hour lane splitting is what makes you a better rider, not training and experience, not gear 100 Mph wheelies in peak hour traffic will win you the acclaim of your friends and the adoration of women the world over
If you follow these simple rules you to will be a biker god.
Thanks for reading
Your Angry Uncle Petrol.
